ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW ...

... I LEARNED IN MY SPAM BOX.

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I am an average American.

The average credit score of an average American is 608.

I have a mortgage and I gamble—poorly—but want to do better.

I want to lose tons of weight and am holding between 25 and 30 pounds of fat in my intestines.

I totally dig Christian singles and my perfect match is waiting for me somewhere ... in my hometown.

I could find her this week.

I want to start a home business and start making REAL money.

Easy work and great pay always go together and earning potential, unlike money, is unlimited.

The best things in life—meaning CrackBerrys and MacBook Airs—are totally free.

For most things in life, only my confirmation is needed.

I want to learn magic and/or hypnosis to attract health, love, money, and to get sweet revenge (the good kind).

Amazing secrets are hidden by nothing more than a friggin mouse click.

I have two awesomely hot friends, Maureen and Angie, who talk about me daily.

Approval is totally guaranteed.